Mean Girls
by stargateluvva
Summary: Sam decides to have her revenge on a certain Colonel and his practical jokes. NEW CHAPTER UP!
1. Chaper One

Hey everyone! I wrote something similar to this a while go called Don't Mess but I decided to re-write it with some new ideas and better spell checkers! Ha! Anyhoo I hope ya like!

Quick note: I added Kawalsky to the story because I really liked the character and well that's about it really. If theres anything else I forgot to mention sorry!

xxChrissyxx

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Sam sat in Janet's office eating a bar of chocolate, waiting for the petit Doctor to hurry up with SG2's medical so she could vent her frustration.

'Hey Sam! What's up?' Janet asked as she finally arrived.

'Jack O'Neill and Daniel Jackson is what's up!' Sam said with a slight touch of anger in her tone.

'What now?' Janet asked as she grabbed a piece of the chocolate Sam held in her hand.

'Not content enough with betting on me and whether or not I'll say certain things on our missions they decided to replace my shampoo with god knows what!' Sam told her friend.

'Ahh just grin and bare it now hunny! We'll get em soon!' Janet said with a devious smile plastered to her face.

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'O'Neill I do not believe Major Carter found it funny' Teal'c stated

'You see T that's the point of practical jokes. Generally they person who the joke is played on doesn't find it too funny' Jack tried to explain as he noticed his second of command walk in through the door.

'She looks fine doesn't she Jack?' Daniel asked worriedly.

'Yeah she does actually!' Jack said not quite believing it himself as Carter approached the table.

'Hey guys!' She said cheerily and parked herself down next to Jack.

'Afternoon Major Carter' Teal'c greeted her s Daniel and Jack stayed silent.

'Why are they so quiet?' Sam asked the Jaffa as she glanced at her team mates.

'They believe you are, what I believe O'Neill to say as pissed at them' Teal'c told her and she couldn't help but smile as Jack and Daniel avoided her eyes.

'Hell no. I don't mind practical jokes I thought it was quite funny actually' She lied and Jack and Daniel looked at her sheepishly.

'Really?' Jack asked as his trademark grin crept on to his face.

'Yeah course' Sam said and reached for Daniels cup of coffee to take a sip. As she pulled it across the table her hand slipped, upending the contents into Jack's lap.

'Oww!' He screamed in pain and the coffee scolded his lap.

'Sorry Sir' Sam said automatically, dying to laugh inside.

'No problem Carter' Jack said through gritted teeth as he tried to clean himself up with napkins.

'O'Neill I believe you should pay a visit to Doctor Fraiser.' Teal'c said as Sam forced an apology out again to her CO.

'Yeah I think I will T' Jack said as he got up carefully from the table and walked slowly towards the infirmary.

As Jack walked slowly down the corridor, he hoped he wouldn't be seen or he wouldn't hear the end of it. Carter had dropped the coffee in the worst possible place. Not only was he walking like Thor to avoid tremendous pain down below, he had a big wet patch making him look like he had a little accident.

'Whoa Jacky boy couldn't control out bladder could we?' Jack heard a familiar voice say in front of him. He looked up to come face to face with Kawalsky.

'Nah Carter spilt coffee, hot coffee to be precise, all over me in the mess hall. I've got the joy of being prodded by ol' Doc Fraiser to look forward too now.

'Course Jack.' Kawalsky said sarcastically before patting Jack on the back and walking off in the other direction to which Jack was heading.

Why or why Carter? Why hot coffee? Why my trousers and not the floor or the table? Wait a minute Jacky boy. You've got one hell of a scheming clever woman on your hands here. She's fine with it my ass. That was her way of revenge. Never trust a good looking blonde with anything but your life in future O'Neill. Oh God Daniels on his own. Ahh whatever I need to sort these third degree burns out fast, Space Monkey can look after himself for a while. I hope anyway.

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'Hey Sam' Kawalsky said as he headed into her lab.

'Hi Charlie. What can I do for ya?' Sam replied.

'Quick question. Jack's accident with his pant was it really an accident or deliberate?' He asked as Sam tried her best to hide a smile from forming on her face.

'I'm not gonna go snitch I swear I just really wanna know while the man limps round the base looking as red as a tomato' He said with a smile on his lips.

'All I can say is maybe I dropped it on his lap as a way to pay the man back for his practical jokes.' Sam said and matched Kawalsky's smile with her own.

'Now Major, I've put up with a lot of Jack's pranks over the years and although I've tried, I've never quite succeeded in getting him back so expect the full backing of SG2 if and when you decide to have another accident' Charlie said and winker before heading out of the lab.

Sam smiled to herself knowing she could trust Charlie. After all he still hasn't got over the embarrassment caused by the Colonel cutting the ass out of his pants. Poor guy walked half way round the base before someone told him.

Oh yes, that man needs to be taught a lesson. One hell of a lesson.

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'Sit back Colonel and relax' Janet said before pulling the curtains round the bed Jack occupied.

'Ok so what happened?' Janet asked looking at the stain on Jack's lap.

'A certain mischievous Major of mine accidentally dropped coffee on my lap' Jack answered sarcastically. Jack saw Janet smile slightly.

'Well drop your pants and lets take a look Colonel' Janet said smugly.

'Oh yeah enjoy this while you can Doc. She'll be here next with two hand marks round her neck lacking vital oxygen!' Jack told her as she pressed his inner thigh with her cold hands.

Jack took a sharp intake of breath as the cold hit him and Janet walked off to get something.

'Doc, if your getting a needle I swear I'll run!' Jack bellowed into the room she was in.

'Relax Colonel. I want you to apply this cream to your leg twice a day for a week and come back and see me then okay' Janet said calmly and handed Jack his pants to put back on.

'Thanks Jan' Jack said and glanced at his watch, 'Crap I'm late. See ya' He said and bolted it out of the room.

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Hope ya liked!

More soon if wanted.


	2. Chapter Two

Thanks to all those who reviewed it means a lot considering I just wrote the thing out of boredom! Anyhoo on with the story! Hope ya like! Oh and if anyone has any good prank ideas please let me know I'd love to try and write them into the story!

xxChrissyxx

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'Major Carter, where is Colonel O'Neill?' General Hammond asked noticing the absence of SG1's leader.

'Uhh..' Sam stuttered but Kawalsky jumped in just in time, 'He's in the infirmary Sir had a wee little accident you see. Boy can't control himself sometimes' The Major told him seriously.

'Right, we'll start without him as he never seems to listen in most briefings anyway' The General said, 'Ok SG1 and 2 I believe you know the planet to which you are heading. It's a basic four day stop over…..' Hammond told those sat around the table.

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'Uh Sam' Kawalsky called after Carter as she left the briefing room, 'Wait up a sec'. Sam stopped abruptly and turned round to see all four members of SG2 stood before her. 'Can we uhh, talk in your lab quickly?' He asked her as she nodded before turning on her heels and heading to her lab with SG2 in tow.

'Teal'c you know what's going on?' Daniel asked as he watched Sam and SG2 walk off together.

'I do not know of anything Daniel Jackson. Perhaps they wish to talk about the mission' Teal'c offered.

'Or not' A voice said from behind them. The pair turned to see a pissed Colonel stood before them.

'Guys, it seems our sweet and innocent Major is in to playing pranks too yet she does it the dirty way and lies about it. So this means we need to get our thinking caps on' Jack said mischievously.

'O'Neill, what is a thinking cap?' Teal'c asked as the three men headed towards Jack's office. Jack sighed slightly as Daniel started to explain.

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'Oh yeah, I'm gonna die when he finds out!' Sam said.

'Yeah but it's worth it isn't it?' Captain Rogers asked her.

'I guess so but you don't have to be trapped alone with him on a planet next week. It's okay for this mission but….' Feretti cut her off.

'Look Jack wouldn't do anything off world that's too bad because of regs and the dangerous situations that may come up and while your own base you can count on us guys!' He told her.

'What about when your off world?' Sam asked sarcastically.

'Well…….Jack's right you do think too much' Feretti protested and sighed.

'Anyone in their right mind would have asked that question' Sam told him.

'Ahh and yet anyone in their right mind wouldn't be doing this job!' He retorted leaving Sam with no reply.

'Whatever, I have to go get changed I'll see you at 1900 guys' Sam said before dashing out of her lab.

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'Hey Carter' Jack said to his second in command as she came bounding in to SG1's locker room.

'Hey Sir. You okay now?' She asked and Jack just smiled and went along with her conversation.

'Hey nothing can knock me down. Don't worry about it Doc's got me applying cream to it. Fun, fun, fun!' He replied sarcastically before packing a spare shirt into his pack.

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'Ok guys I'll take the first watch' Jack said as Kawalsky had predicted.

'Ok see you in two hours Jacky boy' Kawalsky said and patted his shoulder. Jack watched as he headed over to his tent stopping to say something to Sam on the way.

'Ok operation 'I haven't thought of a good name for it yet; is ready to go' Charlie told her before quickly heading into the tent.

Jack sat down on the ground next to the fire watching the stars in the sky as everyone else slept. He turned quickly as he heard a rustle in the bushes behind him but dismissed it as his minds playing tricks on him after checking it out thoroughly. He headed back to the fire and sat down next to it, this time watching over the lake they had set up camp near wondering whether or not it had fish. Jack pulled his attention away from that when he heard the same noise come from his left. He turned to see a strip of bright pink poking out from the bushes looking very much like a gun. Jack grabbed his gun and held it up, pointing towards the strip of colour in the bushes.

'Helloooooo' Jack called out receiving now answer he stepped back cautiously.

'Anybody home?' Jack shouted again as Daniel popped his head out from his tent.

'Jack, what's going on?' He asked as Jack kicked a gun along the floor towards him.

'No idea Danny boy. Think we've got company though' Jack said as the pair stood there watching the bushes carefully.

'Is there anybody there?' Jack shouted again getting slightly nervous and annoyed with each second. As Jack was about to shout for the fourth time he was hit in the shoulder. About to scream out in pain and shock he looked to his shoulder to not see blood, but a clear wet patch. He looked from his shoulder to the bushes again to be met with a shot of water in the face.

'Uhh Jack?' Daniel asked nervously still pointing his gun towards the bushes but Jack didn't answer as he took more water to the face. Daniel started to crack up with a small smile on his face as he saw water hit his glasses.

'You see Jack messing with us lot is a really bad thing to do isn't it' Kawalsky said smugly as he jumped out of the bushes, still spraying Jack with the water gun he held in his hands.

'Carter how could you help them?' Jack asked in shock as the cold water was focused on his torso.

'I figured they play less pranks, actually no pranks on me unlike you two' She told him as she sprayed him in face.

'Oh right so it's like that is it?' Jack asked and bent down to grab his water bottle. Feretti followed him with his water gun the whole time.

'Daniel can you believe she went against her own team?' Jack asked he got back up again.

'It's quite shocking to be honest Sam' Daniel told her before swapping glances with Jack quickly.

'Crap' Sam groaned as she saw Jack running towards her direction. She ran towards the fire and realised how stupid that was when she saw Daniel running in the other direction.

'Daniel if you don't move I'll kill you' Sam said in panic as Jack grew closer and closer.

'You ambushed me with water guns!' Daniel protested.

'You replaced my shampoo with smoothee!' She retorted and he smiled.

'Now Major, you've got two choices. I either chuck you in the lake or… I chuck you in the lake.' Jack said smugly as he wrapped his arms around her waist.

'Do that Jack and good ol' Daniel goes in too!' Feretti threatened as Sam sighed with relief knowing Jack would think twice.

'O'Neill what is going on?' Teal'c asked as he came out from his tent.

'Nothing T, lil matter of Carter being a traitor' Jack said and she kicked him in the leg.

'Is she a Gou'ald spy O'Neill?' Teal'c asked as Jack spy.

'Nah T she's alright really we just a bit of revenge you see. You know those practical jokes she was okay with it's to do with that!' Jack said and Teal'c just raised his left eyebrow.

'Daniel it's only a bit of water lemme get her!' Jack moaned.

'If it's only a bit of water we'll switch places shall we?' Daniel told him sarcastically.

'Spoilsport!' He shouted back and poked his tongue out before thinking of a new idea. He failed.

'What do I do with her then?' Jack asked him.

'I dunno tickle her to death?' Daniel suggested.

'I have a name you know!' Sam told them but they continued talking.

'You know what screw that I'll just do this!' Jack told him and picket Carter up legging it over to the lake.

'You dare Jack!' Sam told him using his first name as I silent plead to him.

'You helped SG2! Christ you soaked me and T!' Jack protested.

'Oh and your so innocent Jack! Let me go or your coming with me!' Sam told him and he smiled mischievously.

'Fine with me!' He said and jumped into the lake. Sam screamed as the cold hit her body as Jack swore realising what a stupid idea it actually was.

'Well your free to go Daniel, he went one step further!' Feretti joked and let go of Daniel's arms.

Jack and Sam climbed out of the lake shivering from the sheer coldness of the lake they had just taken a midnight swim in. Jack headed over to his pack knowing he had a spare shirt in his pack as he always packed it 'just in case'. Sam however didn't and sat there shivering, arms wrapped around her body as she hugged her knees tightly to her chest.

'Here ya go' Jack said and handed her the shirt.

'It's yours you have is she told him and didn't take the shirt' She told him through the chattering of her teeth.

'Do I need to force you into it or make it an order?' Jack said as the image of undressing Sam came into his mind.

'If you're sure then Sir' Sam said pulling him from his thoughts.

'Course. However now we need to think of a way of explaining the size of your shirt and the fact we're both wet to the General' Jack said and smiled at Sam.

'I believe we need to get out thinking caps on O'Neill' Teal'c said causing Jack to chuckle slightly.


	3. Chapter Three

As before thanks so much for the reviews! Also thanks to Bite Beccy who gave me the idea for this chap it's appreciated! If anyone else has any more prank ideas they are also appreciated gratefully! Anyway hope you like this chap!

xxChrissyxx

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'Hey Sam' Janet said to her friend as she sat down on the same table as her in the canteen.

'Hey Jan wassup?' Sam asked smiling at her question.

'Not much. SG7 came back an hour ago with minor injuries so I'm bored and have nothing to do to be honest' She told her friend truthfully.

'Well I've got one hour til clock off fancy heading out shopping after that?' Sam asked before taking a bite of her jello.

'Oh I don't know shopping? It's not really my thing to be honest' She said sarcastically earning a small laugh from Sam.

'Well you can hang in my lab for a bit while I pack away my experiment and then we'll head to the locker room yeah?' Sam said as she rose from her seat.

'Sounds great. Now tell me what's been going on with you and your team?' Janet asked.

'To be honest since the whole water fight they've cooled off a bit. The General bought the Jack's whole 'I slipped and fell into the water taking Carter with me' bit so we're off the hook I think but knowing them two they'll have a surprise in store for me soon and to be honest I reckon SG2 will be in on it' Sam told her.

'Why? I thought they were on your side. Wasn't it Feretti's idea?' Janet asked.

'Yeah but maybe it's just me' Sam said as she headed towards her lab with her friend in tow.

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'Jack d'ya think this is wise?' Daniel asked as he, Jack and Charlie stood around Sam's lab door.

'Of course I do. Everything I do is wise' Jack said

'Yeah right' Kawalsky said behind him.

'You can shut up traitor. Yes Daniel it's only a lighter it's not gonna be that hot. It'll teach her to mess with us in future won't it!' Jack said with a smug smile plastered across his face.

'Just lemme finish up quick Jan and we'll be off' They heard Sam say from round the corner.

'Quick go' Charlie Kawalsky whispered as he followed Jack and Daniel off in the other direction to which Sam and Janet were coming from.

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'I swear if they've touched my lab I'll kill em!' Sam said as she saw the Colonel, Daniel and Kawalsky head away from her lab talking quietly. Sam turned her attention to her door shortly after watching their footsteps and struggled to open it with the files in her hand.

'Here I'll get it' Janet offered and Sam backed away from the door.

'Jesus!' She exclaimed and pulled her hand away towards her chest.

'What's wrong?' Sam asked worried about her friend.

'Your handles really hot it's burnt my hand' Janet told her friend.

'Alright let's get you to the infirmary. I think Colonel O'Neill's been having some fun with my door handle' Sam said and sighed as she headed off in the other direction.

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Sam walked into the briefing room to see Jack, Daniel and Teal'c staring at her.

'Hey Teal'c' Sam said, ignoring Daniel and Jack.

'Someone's a bit smoky' Jack said sarcastically causing Daniel to cough to cover his laughter.

'Actually 'Sir'' She said adding emphasis to the Sir, 'Yes Janet's a bit smoky as someone decided to heat up my door handle' Sam said letting him know by the tone of her voice she wasn't happy with him.

'Ahh my next medicals not gonna be good. It wasn't meant to get her you were supposed to open it!' Jack protested digging an even deeper hole.

'Oh so that makes it better does it?' Sam shot back at him as the General came into the room. She rose from her chair only to be told to 'be seated' by the General.

'Ok SG1 I've decided to scrap this mission and give you two weeks of downtime and by this I mean I want everyone off base permanently.' He said looking in Daniel and Sam's direction.

'Thankyou Sir' Jack said cheerily.

'No problem now I'll see you in two weeks. Major, Doctor Fraiser is waiting outside for you to give her a lift home' Hammond said

'Right thanks Sir' Sam said before heading out of the door.

'Carter wait up!' Jack shouted after her as she rushed off with Janet towards the elevator.

'Someone's in trouble now' Daniel said behind him. Jack just glared at him before heading to the locker room to grab his stuff and head home.


	4. Chapter Four

'Jan I've just gotta go and grab my bag from my locker. You wanna wait here or come with?' Sam asked as she locked up her lab.

'Nah I'll come with ya. You'll need protection from the guys probably. One threat of needles and they'll be cowering in the corner.' Janet said and smiled mischievously before joining in with her friends laughter.

'So is Cassie coming out with us tonight?' Sam asked as she walked into the locker room.

'Yeah, I think so unless her and Dominic have made last minute plans' Janet said and smiled.

Sam mirrored her expression as she grabbed her bag out of her locker. Out of the corner of her eye she spied the Colonel's locker and moved in closer.

'Sam whatcha doing hon?' Janet asked as she watched the Major break into the locker and take his wallet out before dumping it in her bag. She slammed the door shut and turned to face her friend.

'So you're stealing it then?' Janet said, a bemused look on her face

'No, keeping it safe. What are friends for?' Sam smiled before leading the way out of the room.

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'So we'll swing by the locker room, grab our stuff and head to O'Malley's. Sound good boys?' Jack asked as he lead the way into the locker room.

'Sure does Jack. If I'm gonna be terrorized by women at work, I need a good beer or two!' Kawalsky said and smiled as he opened his locker and grabbed his stuff.

Jack let the door of his locker swing back and hit the locker next to his as he reached in for his keys.

'Come on Jack' Feretti bellowed as he waited impatiently at the door.

'My gears not in her Lou' Jack said as he pulled his head out of the locker after a thorough check.

'Well let's go to your office then. I feel like your mother sometimes!' Lou said cheekily.

'Insubordination Lou, insubordination!' Jack said as he exited the room to tell the others to go along without him and that he and Lou would catch them up as soon as possible.

'Come on then Jacky boy, back to the office we go!' Feretti said earning him a death glare from the Colonel in front.

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'I can't believe they did that though. Wasn't Daniel there to knock some sense into them?' Cassie asked as she looked at her mothers hand again.

'I dunno sweetie. Me and Sam were heading to her lab and she had her arms full with folders so I went to open it, next thing I know my hands burnt. None of them were near the scene' Janet smirked.

'Here we go girlies!' Sam said as she walked back from the bar with a tray full of cocktails.

'Yours is non-alcoholic before you get too excited' Sam told the teenager as her eyes brightened up.

'You shouldn't have Sam. These are the most expensive ones they've got in O'Malley's.' Janet protested as Sam laid the drink in front of her.

'Oh I didn't' Sam said and smiled as she pulled out the Colonel's wallet and smiled.

'He is so going to kill you!' Cassie screeched as the three fell about laughing.

'Eh! What's he gonna do, burn my hand?' Sam said sarcastically and the laughter erupted again.

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'I swear, the man gets more forgetful everyday. It's old age creeping up on him. Poor sod!' Charlie joked as he and the guys walked into the bar.

'Major Kawalsky, if O'Neill were getting more forgetful each day, how long would you believe he has left to remember everything?' Teal'c asked Charlie.

'Uh, uum, to be honest Teal'c, I have no idea. It was more of a figure of speech' Charlie told him, the pair both confused by the other.

'Hey is that Sam over at the pool table?' Daniel asked as he pointed in the direction of the three women.

'I believe it is Daniel Jackson.' Teal'c stated as they headed over.

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'So if it's not in my locker and it's not in my office, where is it?' Jack asked, getting more and more frustrated by the minute.

'One clue – tall, blonde, major who happens to be your pissed off second in command' Feretti told him and the Colonel's face fell.

'Right,' Jack said rubbing his hands together, 'Where's Siler?'

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'Come on Charlie. Surely you can do better than that! Sam's beating the hell out of ya!' Cassie taunted as Kawalsky missed the pocket.

'Honestly, I preferred you when you were ten and sweet and innocent. Now you've turned into a woman your like the rest of them!' Charlie joked as Sam potted another ball.

'What incredibly gorgeous, sexy, talented and much better at pool?' Janet asked innocently.

'Just you wait missy!' Charlie said as he pointed the cue at her before lining up his shot.

'Anyone wanna drink?' Janet asked rather loudly as Charlie's cue connected with the cue ball causing him to jump and mess the shot up.

'Yeah sure. Thanks Jan' Daniel said as Charlie glared at her.

'What? Just being polite!' She told him as the three women fell into fits of giggles.

'Sam can I take Jack's wallet to pay?' Janet whispered into her friends ear

'Thought that was mean?' Sam said sarcastically, 'Alright it's in my bag. Don't' let them see it though!' She told her friend before hitting another ball into the pocket.

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'Jack what are you doing? You're doing it all wrong!' Lou said

'Fine you do it then if your so clever!' Jack said and watched smugly as he failed also.

'Siler said to disable the red wire yeah?' Lou asked and Jack nodded, 'Well then, try opening the door!' Feretti instructed as he snapped the red wire in two.

Jack swiped his card and they door failed to open. He smiled mischievously before patting Feretti on the back.

'She won't get in there without a fight!' Lou said

Jack clasped his hands together and cried 'Excellent' Mr Burns style before heading to the lift with his friend.

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'Charlie, you've lost three games already. What makes you think you'll beat her this time?' Janet asked smugly, and slightly tipsy due to the amount of cocktails in her system.

'Because I stand down and put Jack in my place' Charlie told them as he pointed towards the two figures at the door. Sam's eyes connected with Jack's and she knew it was bad news.

'Be right back!' She cried before dragging Janet and Cassie into the ladies toilets.

'What's up with her?' Daniel asked as Jack and Feretti approached.

'She knows I'm about to kill her!' Jack said calmly as he started to explain the events of the last hour to his friends.

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'I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die! Janet, Cass, it's been nice knowing ya both!' Sam said as she washed her hands under the tap.

'Come off it Sam, he won't hurt ya! All you'll get is another 'I'm the great Jack O'Neill and no one can defeat me and my pranks' thing, we'll whip him into shape and bam – all sorted' Janet told her friend seriously.

'Hey Sam, why don't you just take it out of ya bag?' Cassie asked as Janet reached into Sam's bag.

'God, like mother like daughter!' Sam cried as Janet jammed the wallet down the front of Sam's top.

'That is just so wrong! No!' Sam said and went to pull the wallet out from her top until both Janet and Cassie's hands slapped her away.

'He'll never suspect it Sam. Just act naturally and act like you don't know what he's on about' Janet told her friend as they walked out of the rest rooms.

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'Hey Carter! Can I have my wallet back now or do I have to make it an order?' Jack asked, his eyes twinkling mischievously.

'What ya on about Sir and I thought when we were off base there weren't any orders?' Sam said smugly.

'Or 'Sirs' for that matter but seriously can I have my wallet' Jack almost begged.

Sam bit back the laugh she was holding in her stomach and answered him, 'Jack, I have no idea what your on about'

'Right then, well where the hell is it now Lou?' Jack shouted turning back to his friend. Sam glanced at Janet quickly for reassurance before taking a swig of her drink.

'Wait a minute!' Jack said loudly and turned back towards Sam, 'If you don't have my wallet, why did you bolt it to the ladies when I walked in? I'm not that scary am I?' Jack questioned her.

'I 'bolted' it because I Janet is still mad at you and me and Cassie had to calm her down' Sam lied through her teeth on the spot.

'Oh yeah crap' Jack moaned and walked away again. Sam sighed in relief as he started to apologise to the Doctor.

'Listen Jan, if I had my wallet I'd get you a drink, so I'm sorry again.' Jack told her and she smiled, knowing he'd already bought her two drinks tonight without knowing.

'So, who am is Sam beating, sorry, playing this time?' Cassie asked as she handed Sam the cue.

'Me apparently so get ready to lose girls coz Jack's here now!' Jack said as Sam broke.

As Sam was about to hit the last of her balls into the pocket Jack tried not to panic. He had to beat her. He watched as she leaned over the table, gently rocking the cue back and forth over her hand in the direction of the cue ball. He saw the way her top hugged her figure as she elegantly leaned over to strike the ball. Oh yes Jacky Boy, definitely more flattering than fatigues. The way the top hugs her…..wait a minute. Is that my? Oh you scheming cow Miss Carter!

'So just the black ball to go now hey Sam?' Jack asked her as he approached.

'Looks like it. Seems your not as good as you claimed to be doesn't it!' She told him and he smiled, moving closer and closer to her all the time.

'Well I have more pressing matters on my mind, such as the fact I don't know where my wallet is.' He told her as he bent over the table.

'Ahh I'm sure it'll turn up soon' She told him, hiding the lie the whole time.

'Listen, Sam, help me line up the shot will ya?' Jack asked, hoping she'd fall into the trap.

'Sure' She beamed and started to move under his arm to help him. With his arm around her waist and his hands just above hers on the cue he was in heaven, only to be pulled from it by the mickey taking of his friends.

'Needed help did we Jack?' Charlie said sarcastically.

Jack stuck up two fingers in his general direction as he focused on finding his wallet. As Sam muttered something about the shot being easy he went in for the kill.

'So Sam, this top you wearing tonight, I like it!' He whispered into her ear. She melted under him as his warm breath hit her neck but before she could thank him he continued, 'I especially like the fact it has a pocket for my wallet!' He said into her ear.

She dropped the cue and swore under her breath.

'What's going on you two?' Daniel asked as Jack didn't let go of Sam's waist.

'Miss Carter lied to me that's all boys!' Jack said and started to tickle his second in command around the waist.

'Now are you going to give me my wallet or am I going to have to get it myself?' Jack whispered into her ear, knowing the effect it had on her earlier.

'Well as your holding my hands behind my back I think you'll have to get it don't you 'Jack'' She told him, her voice much more huskier than usual.

As Jack debated what to do he felt something vibrate in his back pocket. Realising it was his phone, he reached down, grabbed the phone and answered.

'Yep, we'll be there in half an hour tops' Jack said before slamming his phone shut again.

'Playtimes over girls and boys. Back to lessons people!' Jack said as he released his grip on Sam and smiled slightly at her. She gave him one of her kilowatt smiles, reserved only for Jack O'Neill, before grabbing her bag from the table.

'O'Neill, I do no understand your previous statement' Teal'c told him.

'We've gotta head back to base T, I as just playing' Jack said, before following the gang out of the door.

'Sir!' He heard Carter shout from behind. He turned to see her pulling his wallet out of her cleavage before throwing it to him. Oh yeah, he was never getting a new wallet ever again!


	5. Chapter Five

Sorry it's been a while everyone, but as always with me it's computer troubles. Hopefully, I'll be able to update this more often now but if not please bare with me. Thanks to all the kind reviews and I hope ya like!

Chrissy

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Sam returned to work bright and early Monday morning after what had been a hectic weekend. After the events at O'Malley's and the rescue mission both SG1 and 2 had to carry out to retrieve SG-5 from a Jaffa ambush, she had spent the rest of the weekend at home in bed.

Sam took a right turn towards her lab ready to start work on the artefact bought home by another team a few weeks back. Sam reached into her pocket and took out her card before swiping it in the lock.

She stared at the lock as it flashed red and didn't unlock the door and so she repeated her actions two more times before putting her card back in her pocket and heading towards Siler's office for equipment.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

'Hey Jack, you seen Sam anywhere?' Daniel asked as Jack sauntered into his office.

'No, any reason why I should have?' Jack asked suspiciously.

'No, no reason just she said she'd work with me on that artefact in her lab, but when I got there it was all locked up' Daniel told him as Jack's face went completely white.

'Oh I'm a dead man!' He exclaimed quickly before running out of the lab in the opposite direction he came from, leaving Daniel utterly confused.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

'So any ideas why it's not working?' General Hammond asked both Carter and Siler as they stood before his desk.

'Uh well Sir..' Siler started but was cut off by Sam quickly.

'No idea Sir, we assume it's juts a malfunction. The parts are already ordered and will arrive within the next few days. Until then, Colonel O'Neill has offered me the use of his office.' Sam lied through her teeth. As much as she hated Jack right now, she didn't want him to get in trouble for this. She smiled at Siler so he would understand why she cut him off before exiting the General's office and heading to see Colonel O'Neill and Feretti.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

'Lou, Daniel said nobody was home' Jack explained as he sat at his desk, Feretti facing him.

With a knock at the door, the conversation broke apart as Jack bellowed 'Come in' in the general direction of the door.

'Ahh just the people I wanted to see!' Sam said smiling mischievously at them both, 'You see since I cannot access my lab, for some unknown reason, the General has instructed me to share your office Sir, and Feretti, Janet needs to see you in her office ASAP' Sam told them both as the awaited her anger. She smiled calmly, fooling the both, before dumping her folders on a chair near the door.

'Oh and Sir, the General asked me to get you to sign this' Sam said as she slipped the paper under his writing hand. Without reading it, as Sam had hoped, Jack put pen to paper and signed on the dotted line.

'There ya go Carter. You can have my desk as well I've got filing to do!' He said sarcastically as Lou made his way to the infirmary.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

'You wanted to see me Jan?' Lou asked knowing what was coming.

'Yeh see Sam found ya. Can you hop on the bed please Lou, monthly physicals await.' She said with an evil grin, wondering how Sam was getting on.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

'So whatcha doing Carter?' Jack asked trying to make general conversation but avoid mentioning her lab.

'Just scanning a copy of this to Janet' she said holding the document he had previously signed up in the air for him to see.

'Why? I thought it was for the General.' Jack said as he shoved another folder into his filing cabinet.

'Yeh well about that, I lied. Like you did about my lab door' Sam said and he stopped and turned to face her.

'Firstly I didn't lie I just didn't tell you and I only did it because you had my wallet, which by the way seems to be missing the home it had on Friday!' Jack said causing Sam to blush, 'So what did I sign. Please tell me it's not the rights to jab as many needles into my butt as possible!' He moaned as he sat down on the chair in front of his desk.

'No Sir' Sam said and smiled as she saved her work to disk and put her folder back onto the pile she had dumped on the chair.

'What then?' He asked not liking where this conversation was going.

'Well here is your copy of the contract Sir, which, you can read while I go grab lunch. Have fun' She said sweetly before patting him on the shoulder and heading to meet Daniel and Teal'c.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

'Major Carter, did you succeed in your quest?' Teal'c asked as Sam sat down with him and Daniel.

'Oh yeah, he's reading it through now' Sam said and smiled before taking a bite of her jello.

'You do realize there is a chance us three might not make through this month' Daniel stated and Sam smiled nervously.

'Ah but we have the full backing of General Hammond don't we!' Sam said smugly and returned Daniels smile, 'He deserves this after all he's done to us and anyway, we've all been put on leave for the rest of the month come Friday so it'll be fun' She told him as the doors the commissary flung open.

'I think now would be the time to run' Daniel said as an angry O'Neill stomped over to the table.

'There is no way in hell Hammond could have agreed to this' He shouted in anger, 'A month of serving you three? Not a chance in hell!' Jack shouted as the whole of the canteen stared at him.


	6. Chapter Six

Well first of all a big thank you to everyone who has reviewed this story. It means so much. Secondly, sorry it has taken me so long to write the next chapter but if it's not computer problems, it's work and so on. Hope the chapter is okay for y'al and there will be more soon if wanted!

xXChrissyXx

- - - - - - - - - -

Jack had just about had enough. He was all for serving Carter, hell he'd do it for the rest of his life should she let him, but Danny and T? Come on, a guy's got limits. Okay, okay, so most of the work he had done had been for Carter like painting the rooms of her house, mowing her lawn, cooking her dinner each night; no better way to spend a month's downtime; although cabin's in Minnesota do spring to Jack's mind…..

However, it may have been nice spending a lot more time with Carter, seeing the 'Sam side' of her but Jack was not prepared to spend his downtime buying candles for Teal'c's 'kelnoreeming' (how many candles does the guy need?) and labelling rocks for Daniel.

Oh yeah, Jack was growing tired of being SG-1's slave and only had two more days to survive before he was free to kill them all. Ok, kills a bit strong but he was close. There were only so many jokes Jack could take as word had spread fast through the mountain since his hissy fit in the cafeteria four weeks ago. Oh yeah, Jack was definitely growing tired of this predicament.

"Jack?" Sam called from the garden where she lay on a lounger catching up on her science journals.

"Yeah?" He hollered back from the living room.

"What was the deal Jack?" Daniel shouted from the garden.

"Yes Mistress?" Jack groaned inwardly, making a mental note to kick Daniel's butt in two days time.

"Could you make me one of those delicious smoothies you made the other day please?" Sam said sweetly and his anger levels decreased.

"Yes Mistress" Jack said and put the feather duster down on the coffee table and headed for the kitchen.

- - - - - - - - - -

"Daniel stop with the mistress thing, please" Sam almost begged her friend as she set her magazine down on the table.

"Ah, come on Sam it's just a bit of harmless fun and besides, don't you think he'd be doing the same to me were he in my position?" Daniel replied as he applied more suntan lotion to his arms.

"I guess but please stop Daniel. I feel bad enough as it is without you demanding he call me mistress" Sam said and sighed.

"Major Carter, was it not your idea to this in the first place?" Teal'c asked.

"Yeah but I regret it now. Maybe a month was a bit too long. He doesn't seem himself recently. He doesn't joke, laugh, doesn't do anything but serve us…." Sam told her friends.

"I guess you're right Sam…maybe we'll take him out for dinner on Saturday as a bargaining meal for our lives." Daniel suggested.

"Yeah that sounds good" Sam said cheerily as sat back on her lounger again.

"Danieljackson, I do believe it is only you who has to fear for their life once O'Neill is no longer our slave." Teal'c informed him smugly before the pair announced it was time for them to take their leave.

"See ya slave boy!" Daniel mocked Jack as he walked out on the deck with Sam's smoothie. Jack simply stared at Daniel, warning him, as he made his way over to his 'Mistress'.

"Here ya go Mistress," Jack said placing the glass down on the table, "Anything else I can get you before I return to my cleaning?" Jack asked playing the role of good slave.

"Ooh, thankyou" Sam squealed in delight as Jack's body tingled slightly, "Uum, no I don't need anything thank you but will you keep me company this afternoon? Maybe we could go ice skating?" Sam suggested knowing Jack loved to skate.

"Permission to speak freely?" Jack asked, continuing his role.

"Of course, you don't have to ask my permission" Sam said in shock studying Jack's face, "Daniel said you did didn't he?"

"Yeah. Yesterday, he told me from now on you wanted me to ask for your permission before speaking." Jack admitted, oh yes revenge could be sweet.

"Really? Well you don't have to Jack, I would never be that cruel you know?" Sam said feeling terrible. She patted the lounger, instructing Jack should sit with her. He did and spoke.

"I know you wouldn't Sam. Daniel on the other hand…." Jack trailed off.

"Look I feel terrible about this whole thing. It was only meant to be a laugh you know, a bit of revenge, maybe a month was a bit harsh." Sam said regretting what she'd put the man through.

"Hey it's not you who's been the pain in the mikta, it's Daniel. You've been a fantastic Mistress, one I wouldn't mind serving any day." Jack informed her and Sam blushed slightly.

"Well then, as of now, you are no longer my slave but my ice skating teacher and accomplice." Sam told him in a cheery tone.

"Well, firstly, thank you my Mistress and I would love to try teaching you to skate again but why your accomplice?" Jack asked as Sam sent a warm smile in his direction.

"I need an accomplice to get revenge on a very sneaky archaeologist."


	7. Chapter Seven

Hope you enjoy.

xXChrissyXx

- - - - - - - - - -

Sam held on tightly to Jack as he held her upright on the rink.

"That's it Carter, you're nearly…." She fell.

Jack looked down at the giggling mess on the floor and smiled.

"Right, that's enough. I clearly cannot ice skate and never will so now I just need to figure out how i'm going to get back over there!" Sam said and pointed to the seats around the rink from her position on the floor.

"Here." Jack said and held out his hand for Sam to grab. Once she took it he helped her up off the ground before picking Sam up in a fireman's lift and placing her comfortably over her shoulder.

"Jack!" Sam squealed as Jack made his way over the exit with ease enjoying the view of Carter's rear end as he did so.

When he reached the exit, Jack gently put Sam down on a seat and bent down before her to untie her laces.

"I'll do that Jack, don't worry" Sam said gently pulling her feet away from her Commanding Officer.

Jack pulled her feet back, "I'm not, don't you worry yourself Carter, I'm fine!" Jack said as he continued unlacing the boots.

"But you've been doing stuff like this for the past month, you don't have to really!" Sam protested, trying to pull her feet away again but Jack held them tight.

"Honestly Sam I'm fine. Anyway, you need taking care of after the cuts and bruises you got out on the rink, I knew you couldn't skate but…" Jack stopped taunting her as soon as he met the glare in his Second in Command's eyes.

"Well maybe if you were a better teacher I'd be able to skate!" Sam argued as Jack sat on the chair next to her taking off his own boots.

"I taught Cassie and Teal'c and they skate like pros. Face it Carter, you suck!" Jack told her before rising from his seat to take back the boots and collect their shoes.

"I do not suck!" Sam shouted after him, leaving a chuckling Colonel to collect their shoes.

- - - - - - - - - -

"Okay, thank you Jacob. Walter, call in SG-1. Tell them briefing room immediately."

- - - - - - - - - -

Jack walked back over to wear Sam sat with both pairs of shoes, watching Sam as she spoke on the phone.

"Ok, we'll be right there" Sam said before snapping her phone shut. Jack sent her a questioning look.

"We've been called in. Emergency." Sam said, being as discreet as possible.

"Well then, we'd better be going then Major." Jack said handed Sam her shoes and snapping back into the role of air force officer. Oh yeah, this month may have been hell but at least there were no 'Sirs'.

- - - - - - - - - -

"Alright then Jacob, remind me again why we're on this ship and flying right into Gou'ald territory." Jack said sarcastically as he threw the tennis ball at the wall and caught it again.

"Well," Jacob started as he reached out and caught the tennis ball mid flight before Jack caught it causing the Colonel to sulk, "we have reason to believe that Baal is building a new long range weapon, capable of destroying planets with one single shot and therefore we need to annihilate the threat before he annihilates us."

"You never just drop by for a chat anymore Jake. It's always Baal this, Tok'ra that! Just a coffee once in a while would do me…" Jack joked with the man.

"Well if you didn't go to other planets pissing people off I wouldn't have to come and collect you to clean up your mess would I?" Jacob retorted.

"Stop it now you two," Sam warned as Jack opened his mouth to begin his next verbal attack, "We're above the planet now. Teal'c is using the ships sensors to try and locate the weapon."

"T?" Jack asked as the screen began to flash.

"There appears to be a force shield around the weapon itself that cannot be taken down from out current position. It appears that the only effective way of taking out the weapon would be on the ground O'Neill."

"No problem" Jack exclaimed sarcastically as Carter planned the best route.

"Sir, if we ring down to this position," she said pointing to the screen in front of her, "there should be limited Jaffa patrols allowing us to get in, disable the force shield and destroy the weapon with C4 before Dad rings us back up again."

"Sounds good Carter. Okay campers, ready to go?" Jack asked as Daniel, Sam and Teal'c geared up and headed for the ring room.

"Be careful!" Jacob shouted after them, "and Jack; look after my daughter!" He continued with a small smile on his face before pressing the button to activate the rings.

- - - - - - - - - -

"O'Neill!" Teal'c shouted as more Jaffa approached their current position. Sam was disabling the control crystals while the three men shielded her.

"Carter how long?" Jack bellowed behind him as he took out another Jaffa.

"Two minutes!" She cried before removing another crystal from the control pad.

"Jack we can't hold this position much longer!" Daniel shouted seconds before a staff blast hit him in the shoulder.

"DANIEL!" Jack shouted and moved to his friends position, firing at two Jaffa as he did so.

"You okay?" Jack asked hastily looking at Daniel's wound.

"Yeah, leave it now. We'll check it later." Daniel said before firing at another Jaffa and killing him.

Jack rose from the ground quickly and continued to fight as a moan hit his ears. He turned quickly to see Carter fall to the ground.

"CARTER!...SAM!" Jack cried as he ran to her position shielding her with his body and his weapon.

"Teal'c, Daniel. Cover us!" He shouted before falling to his knees next to Sam, frantically checking for her pulse. It was weak, to weak for his liking.

"Stay with me Sam, please, please Sam, be okay." He cried anxiously as he picked up his P-90 and turned to the control crystals.

"Daniel, get ready with the C4, we're taking the O'Neill course of action! Teal'c, radio Jacob and be ready to send the signal." Jack shouted before opening fire on the control crystals until the burnt out completely.

"NOW!" He shouted in Daniel and Teal'c's direction as he carefully scooped Sam's limp figure up off the ground and held her in his arms. Daniel and Teal'c moved closer and as the weapon went up, the rings activated carrying the team back to the ship.

- - - - - - - - - -

"Teal'c get a medical kit now!" Jack shouted as soon as he was on the ship. He carefully lay Sam down on the floor in front of him and removed her jacket.

"Jack? Did it go well…." Jacob shouted from the front of the ship as he flew the ship to safety.

"Not exactly" Daniel replied as Jack was too busy seeing to Sam.

"What's happened?" Jacob shouted but received no answer as the three members of SG-1, did their best to save Sam.

"Jack?" Jacob shouted again as he cloaked the ship and ran to the ring room, "WHAT HAPP…"

"Come on Sam wake up for me." Jack encouraged the frail body as he tired the bandage tight around her left leg to prevent any more blood loss.

"Teal'c see Daniel's wounds okay please." Jack ordered politely as he felt Sam's pulse again.

"Jacob, I know it's hard but please fly us home so we can get her to Fraiser!" Jack said lifting his eyes from Sam's body for a few moments to look straight into Jacobs.

"You were supposed to look after her Jack, not get her killed!" Jacob shouted angrily as Teal'c rose from his current position with Daniel and moved towards the Tok'ra host.

"It's not my fault Jacob! If you'd stop shouting I could care for her so SHUT UP!" Jack shouted back as he searched through the medical kit for another bandage suitable for her chest wound.

"Don't tell me to shut up COLONEL!" Jacob bellowed angrily at Jack as Teal'c stepped in.

"Generalcarter, I believe it is best that you fly us home in order for us to get your daughter the medical attention she needs. O'Neill and myself will endeavour to look after Majorcarter in the meantime." Teal'c said calmly as Jack reached down to give Sam mouth to mouth.

Jack moved away from her to regain his breath for trying once more as Sam's body jerked slightly. Her eyes opened quickly and she coughed, spluttering blood.

"It's alright Sam. You're safe." Jack said reassuring as he squeezed her hand, "We'll get you home as soon as we can, just hang in there for me."


	8. Chapter Eight

Hey, a big THANK YOU to everyone who has reviewed, means a lot. As 001ElvenWarrior said, the tone did change slightly but the way I want this story to go, coughs ship, then it needed to happen but hopefully this chapter will cheer it up a bit. Well towards the end anyway!

Thanks again,

Chrissy

- - - - - - - - - -

"General Hammond, sir, to put it bluntly; she's lucky to be here" Doctor Fraiser said, still frantically worried about her friend lying unconscious in the infirmary.

"We did all we could to stop the internal bleeding but she's still in coma and I have doubts as to whether she'll be able to walk again." Janet continued, "The shot to her left leg effected the area around her knee, and even with extensive physiotherapy I fear she may not be able to return to active duty" Janet choked.

"Thank you Doctor" Hammond said quietly as the petit woman nodded and retreated through the door. Hammond sighed and shook his head. This was not good news.

- - - - - - - - - -

When Jacob entered the infirmary he wasn't sure what to expect. He knew a member of SG-1 would be by her side, willing her to wake up, but he didn't expect this…

"Please Sam, just wake up and prove you're okay…" Jack sniffed as he gently stroked the top of her hand with his thumb, "You've still gotta kick Danny's butt remember. Can't let him walk around all smug as if he's got away with it can we?" Jack continued talking to her as she lay still on the bed.

"I know you've not been like this for long but we miss you and well….well I can't cope without you Carter…" Jack choked back his tears, "You can't leave me just yet, I haven't got to tell you how I feel." Jack chuckled slightly, "I was gonna talk to you about it and if you felt the same well, I had plans for retirement and wining and dining you so you've gotta wake up to tell me I'm a stupid old fool to ever believe you'd want that from me…" Jack trailed off.

"Please Carter, just wake up, please…" Jack said as he continued to stroke her hand. Jacob chose this moment to retreat quietly from the room, leaving the man in peace.

- - - - - - - - - -

Jack awoke with a start. "Stupid nightmares" He muttered as he shook his head to rid himself of the vision of Sam falling to the ground in pain once more.

"Hiya Jack" Jacob said quietly from across the bed.

"Uum…" Jack didn't know how to reply; after the fight on the ship did he reply with Jake or General?

"Listen Jack, about our little episode back on the ship; I'm sorry. I should never have snapped at you like that, you were doing your best to get my daughter to safety and I was, well I didn't know what to do. I've never seen Sam like that before, lifeless and covered in blood and, well I didn't know what to do or say and I took it out on you." Jack said as he took Sam's other hand and squeezed it tight, "I hope you can forgive me." Jacob pleaded, looking straight into Jack's eyes.

"Think nothing of it Jacob. Had I been in your position I would've probably reacted the same." Jack said honestly, giving the man a friendly, reassuring smile.

Jacob, didn't know whether or not to touch on the subject but thought it might help Jack get over the pain he was feeling right now, "I heard you before you know" He said generally.

"When?" Jack asked not knowing what the older man was on about, "Oh…um…listen…Jacob, I would never do anything to harm Sam or her career" Jacob cut him off.

"I know Jack and for the record, I think she feels the same." Jacob said and smiled.

"How can you.." Jack started to ask as he hand he was holding started to move. His turned abruptly from the older man to the figure lying in the bed.

"Hey…" Sam croaked as her eyelids flickered, adjusting to the light.

"Hey yourself Camper. How ya feeling?" Jack asked cheerily.

"Lot of pain…" she croaked, "and I could do with a drink but apart from that alright, I guess." Sam informed them, allowing a small smile to form on her lips letting them know she was in fact okay, considering her condition.

"I'll get you some water kiddo and tell Janet your up and about" Jacob told her squeezing her hand, "Glad you're okay" He said before heading towards the door.

"You gave us quite a fright you know Carter" Jack told her.

"Sorry Sir" Sam replied smiling, "I'll try not to get shot in future okay?" She replied cheekily.

"You got yourself a deal there Carter. Now get some rest and do as Janet says while I go tell the guys your up!" Jack beamed as he jumped from the chair and headed towards Daniel's lab.

Sam followed Jack out of the door with her eyes to be greeted with Janet's a few moments later.

"Hey Sam. How ya feeling?" Janet asked as she made her way over to the bed. Janet handed her patient a cup of water before retrieving the clip board from the end of the bed.

"My leg is killing me." Sam told her friend honestly and Janet's face paled. "What?" Sam asked abruptly, noticing the change of her friends tone.

"Sam honey, it doesn't look good. You took a shot straight in the knee and it's damaged extensively. I'm afraid it's unlikely you'll be fit enough for active duty in a long time."

"Oh" was all Sam could say before she let her emotions take over and the tears flow freely down her face.

- - - - - - - - - -

"COLONEL O'NEILL, WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOUR DOING?" General Hammond shouted as he and Jacob stood in the doorway in disbelief.

"Well Sir, ya see we were trying to cheer Carter up and well…" Jack dragged on, trying to avoid getting to the point, "I decided it would make her laugh if I took revenge on Daniel for her but dumping jello and cream over his head; so I did." Jack said as if it were a normal thing to say before spraying a bit more cream into Daniel's face. Sam giggled once more.

"Indeed, General, it seems O'Neill was defending the honour of Samanthacarter while she was unable to so herself." Teal'c informed the man as he still stood in shock.

"What did Daniel do that could warrant being tied to a chair and having that done to him?" Jacob asked as he pointed in the general direction of Daniel.

"Nothing!" Came the mumbled explanation from the archaeologist.

"He knows, Jake, he knows…" Jack said menacingly as Teal'c chose that moment to empty the contents of his jello glass on Daniel's head. Sam burst into hysterics again, clutching her stomach as she did so.

"Jack this isn't funny!" Daniel pleaded with the man as he shoved more squirted cream down the back of his shirt.

"Did Carter gave you permission to speak Daniel?" Jack asked the man menacingly. When he received the answer of a shaken head he continued, "Thought not, so shut up squealing like a girl!"

"Okay, enough now people. Colonel, untie Doctor Jackson, and take him to the showers will you please; and in future, when cheering up your 2IC, don't do it in the infirmary." Hammond warned.

"Ahh but come on Sir, the nurses loved it!" Jack exclaimed cheeckily.

"Now, Colonel!" Hammond barked causing Jack to quickly untie the man and push him out of the room towards the showers.

"Slater Carter!" Jack hollered from the hallway as Sam tried to compose herself.


	9. Chapter Nine

Thank you to everyone who has reviewed it does mean a lot. Hope this is okay for you and hopefully there will be another chapter up tomorrow. I guess Daniel's got to have a bit of revenge hasn't he?

Chrissy

- - - - - - - - - -

"Hey Carter!" Jack said cheerily as he strolled into the infirmary. Sam had been 'locked up' in there for almost two weeks now and today Jack was finally breaking her free.

Over the past few weeks, Jack had been to visit her everyday, much to Janet's annoyance, although she had to admit, he had improved Sam's mood.

"First stop, Hammonds office and then my place for a BBQ." Jack told his 2IC as he gently lifter her into the wheel chair. Janet had previously informed her that she would still be able to walk, but for now she was to take it easy on her leg if she wanted to keep it that way.

"Sounds great Sir" Sam said, genuinely happy for the first time in a few weeks. The Colonel had volunteered to look after her while she was recuperating and if it was anything like the slave experience, she couldn't wait.

"However, I do bring bad news. Dad's been called back home so he's gonna stop by Hammond's office to say goodbye." Jack broke the bad news.

"Oh….well I guess having him here for two weeks was good enough." Sam said as Jack slowly started to push her towards the elevator.

"You know Carter, we could race this thing through these halls!" Jack exclaimed as he pushed her into the elevator.

As the doors closed, passers by could here the cry of "NO!" followed by chuckling.

- - - - - - - - - -

"Major, are you sure this is what you want?" General Hammond asked her as she sat in front of him, clapping her hands together gently.

"Well, in an ideal world Sir, no. I'd still love to be out on the frontline but that's not happening anymore and so I feel it would be better for me to retire from the Air Force and request a civilian position within the SGC." Sam told him, "And, of course with your permission Sir, I could go off-world from time to time when the leg is better, just like Daniel does now Sir…" Sam continued hopefully.

"I see no problem with that," General Hammond told her and smiled, "but are you sure retiring is what you want Sam?". Sam thought it over one more time in her head. Maybe this was a new lease of life for her and who knows, maybe something would happen between her and Jack now that there were no regulations in the way?

"Yes, Sir." Sam told him positively, nodded her head as she did so.

"Well then Major, I'll put the paper work through" He told, "but if you change your mind or have any doubts, you come see me okay?" He told her as he walked over to her wheelchair to give her hand.

"Thank you Sir" she said before reaching up to hug him slightly.

"Now go say goodbye to your Dad and get that whip cracking on Jack. I hear he was a good slave for you before." George said and chuckled as he slowly pushed her out of the room.

"Will do Sir, and thank you."

"Hey!" Jacob said cheerily as Sam caught her Dad and Jack talking in the Briefing Room.

"I'll give you two a minute" Jack told the pair before heading down the stairway to wait in the Control Room.

"Dad, I need to tell you something." She told him as Jacob took a seat in front of his daughter, "I've decided it's best for me to retire from the Air Force, that way I can get on with a civilian position at the SGC and occasionally go off-world when my leg gets better." Sam told him waiting for a frost reaction.

"And get to know a certain smart-arse Colonel a bit better I should imagine" Jacob told his daughter as she tried to hide her blush.

"Oh don't act so surprised, you two are so blatantly attracted to each other I bet Thor's even noticed. Just as long as your happy Sam, I'm happy, I'm just sorry I can't stay a bit longer to look after you, but you make sure Jack looks after to well or there's no where in this universe he can hide from me okay Sammy?"

"Yes Dad, and thanks. It means a lot that you support me." She told him as he leaned in to hug her once more before he left.

"Take care of yourself sweetheart" Jacob told her before kissing her cheek.

"And you Dad" Sam replied as Jacob slowly made his way to the stair case, "Bye".


	10. Chapter Ten

As always, thanks to everyone who has reviewed. Now, on with the show.

Chrissy

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

"So Carter, ready to go?" Jack asked his Second In Command as he walked back into the Briefing Room.

"Sure" Sam told him as he took hold of the wheel chair and pushed her towards the elevator.

"So, the guys are gonna stop by at about six to see you and I thought I'd throw something on the BBQ, is that alright?" He asked as he pressed the button, calling the elevator to the floor they were on.

"Sounds great Sir" Sam told him, knowing it would be hard not calling the man that anymore.

"Uum, Sir, I need to tell you something…" Sam said hesitantly, unsure of how the man would react, as Jack pushed her into the elevator and pressed the button for the surface.

"What's that Carter?"

Sam took a deep breath wondering what would be the best way to say it. She just went with the Jack O'Neill way of breaking news to someone, "I'm retiring" There, she had done it.

"Retiring? Isn't it me who normally says that?" Jack jokes trying to cover his emotions. She couldn't leave SG-1; more importantly she couldn't leave him but he couldn't say could he?

"I know Sir but it seems pointless when we all know I won't be going off world for a long time and anyway, once I'm all healed , I can go off world as a civilian just like Daniel does." She told him as he tried to think this all through in his head.

"Why didn't you talk to me Sam?" He asked her as the elevator doors opened. Silently, he pushed the wheel chair out of the lift towards the sign out point.

"Sir, Maam" The airman nodded in their direction as they signed the sheet and made their way out to Jack's truck.

"I honestly don't know so. As soon as I made my mind up that was it. I just didn't think to talk to you about it" She told him honestly, "I'm sorry Sir."

"It's Jack now I guess" He told her and smiled slightly, "Just as long as your sure this is what you want Carter. You know how much you love to play your gizmos and gadgets off world". He told her as he carefully helped her into the passenger seat, before folding the wheel chair up and putting it in the back of the truck.

Sam waited for him to get into the drivers seat before she continued the conversation, "I know, but General Hammond has made it clear that my job as head scientist is still there for me, this time as a civilian, and like I said, just because I'm retiring doesn't mean I won't be going off-world ever again."

"We'll miss you, you know…" Jack said quietly.

"I'll still be on Base every day and hopefully I'll still be invited to team nights…" Sam said.

"Of course you will. I need someone to control Daniel when he's drunk you know that. Plus he's out for revenge after my episode in the infirmary. Jeez, you defend someone's honour and this is what happens. I hope you appreciate this Carter." Jack said and smiled at her before focusing his attention back on the road.

"You know I do Sir, uh, Jack. I appreciate everything you've done for me this past couple of weeks and the fact you're looking after me now. Thank you." Sam told him sincerely.

"Ahh shucks Carter". He said boyishly and Sam started to giggle. "What's the rule?" Jack asked her as she tried to regain her composure.

"No giggling Sir!" She replied to the question before falling into a fit of giggles again.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Jack hopped out of the car and ran round to the passengers side to help Sam out.

"Me Lady" He said before tipping his cap to her. Sam laughed again and Jack smiled. He loved to hear this woman laugh, especially at him, well his jokes, not directly at him unless that was what he intended.

"Just let me get the wheel chair Sam." Jack told her before running to the back of the truck to retrieve it. He put it on the floor ready to open it, but struggled. He tried once more unsuccessfully before giving up.

"Okay, I've broken it so you've got the next best thing to a wheel chair, me." He said before leaning in the door frame to scoop her up in his arms.

"It's okay I'll walk" She protested as his arms wrapped around her waist. He gently slid her out of the car and kicked the door shut with his foot.

Sam started to giggle again as she wrapped her arms around his neck for safety. Jack headed towards his front door as they had decided it would be easier for Sam to stay at his as he had the bigger house of the pair.

"Uum, Sam…" Jack said as he struggled to find his keys in his pockets while holding on to Sam tightly, "I think I've left my keys in the car." He said and blushed. Sam fell about laughing again as Jack groaned and walked back to the car.

"Do me a favour and lean in and get them for me please Carter" Jack asked as he reached the car door.

"Sure" Sam replied as she recovered from her giggles. She retrieved the keys and Jack headed back to the door leaning forward slightly so Sam could unlock the door and let the pair in.

"Well, that was a job well done I think!" Jack joked as he carefully lay Sam down on the sofa.

"Thanks Jack" Sam said before Jack headed into the kitchen to fetch the pair of them a drink.

"I'll bring your stuff in later if that's alright" Jack told her as he sat on the other end of the sofa next to Sam's feet.

"Yeah that's great thank you" she replied taking a sip of her Diet Coke.

They sat there for five minutes, comfortable in each other's company as Jack thought things through in his head.

_Just do it O'Neill! Ask her already! What if she doesn't feel the same anymore though? Then I've gotta spend time looking after her feeling like a fool. _

"Uum Sam. I was thinking" He started slowly and she turned to look at him smiling, "Seeing as your retiring and won't be under my command anymore, maybe we could go out sometime…" He trailed off, trying to act casual in case of rejection.

"Like a date?" She asked as butterflies attacked her stomach.

"Uum, yeah, like a date. Only if you want to I don't want to pressure your or anything…" He said sure of refusal.

"I'd love to!" She beamed.

"Ok Carter, I'm sorry to bother you. I won't bring this up again…" Jack said before getting up off the sofa and heading towards the kitchen.

"Wait a minute. What did you say?" Jack said retreating back to his former position.

"I said I'd love to Jack" She told him smiling at his response. He could be so sweet sometimes.

"Really?" He beamed, taking his position back on the couch.

"Yes really!" She laughed as Jack O'Neill' courageous and smart arsed Air Force Colonel, sat at the end of the sofa and bundle of nerves staring at her.

"Jack? Jack? JACK?" She shouted, trying to get his attention.

"Sorry what?" He asked smiling bashfully.

"The doorbell just went" She informed him.

"Oh right sorry, I'll just go get it" He said smiling like a Cheshire car. Sam Carter was going on a date with him…


	11. Chapter Eleven

Okay, first of all, sorry it's been a while but life's been a bit hectic recently. Thanks to everyone for the lovely reviews and I hope you like this next chapter. I tried to take on some of your ideas on how Sam might get a bit bored with nothing to do, so I hope you like.

This chapter is dedicated to JackO'neillKicksAlienButt after I received a very nice email! Cheers!

-----xx-----

Sam Carter was bored out of her skull! This was her first day off work, stuck at home with nothing but chat show hosts to keep her company and it was only 9:45!

"Shoot me now" She thought to herself as she reached forward for the remote. Janet had stopped by this morning to ask how her date had gone and to give her supplies to get her through another day in a wheel chair.

Her date….Well what was supposed to be the most romantic night of her life with none other than Jack O'Neill had been cut short by an emergency at the SGC. So there she was, left home alone with pasta on the stove but no one to share it with.

Yes, so it wasn't Jack's fault but she still couldn't help being a little bit cheesed off. How dare the universe need saving when Jack O'Neill was cooking dinner for her. Come to think of it, Jack can cook? Sam smiled to herself before reaching for the pack of Malteasers to her side.

Maybe date number two will be more successful?

-----xx-----

"O'Neill" Jack said gruffly as he answered the phone in the middle of his date for the second time this week.

"You're requested on base Sir" the airman told him quietly, scared he would get shouted out for delivering the bad news. Jack just sighed.

"I'll be there in twenty minutes airman" He stated before flipping his mobile phone shut.

"I'm so…"

"Don't be" Sam told him before pulling back from the table, and wheeling herself into the living room.

"So much for date number two hey?" She thought to herself as the door closed behind Jack as he made his way to the mountain.

-----xx-----

"General I mean it. If Thor calls, tell him I'm busy, if the Gou'ald call, tell them where to shove it, anyone else calls, forward it on to Daniel!" Jack smiled evilly before strolling out of the General's office and home to Sam.

When he reached the surface, he hopped into his truck and down to the bakery on the corner that sold Sam's favourite toffee pie, before heading to the café in town where he had ordered the food for the picnic. Jack O'Neill was getting sappy in his old age.

Jack arrived home at 6pm to find Sam asleep on the sofa. He smiled in her direction before grabbing a blanket and placing it over her before setting to work. He grabbed another blanket from the cupboard in the hall and lay it on the floor in front of the couch after moving the coffee table quietly as not to wake Sam. Then he lay the food out before gently waking Sam up.

"Hey sleepy head" He said while grinning wildly. Her hair was sticking out everywhere and her clothes were creased but she had never looked more gorgeous to him.

"Hey, how was your day?" Sam asked him as he kissed her on the cheek.

"Ah, ah, no speak of work at all tonight Sam. This date will not be ruined by the SGC okay?" Jack told her and she smiled.

"Whatcha got in mind fly boy?" Sam asked as Jack stepped back to reveal the picnic. As a finishing touch he had dimmed the lights and lit candles around the room.

Sam was amazed.

"Jack this is wonderful" She gushed as Jack helped her to the edge of the sofa. He then sat down in front of her on the blanket and started to dish out the food.

"I'm sorry it took us so long to get here Sam. Tonight it's about you and me not whether the Tok'ra need help moving or not." Jack told her and she couldn't help but smile as he tried to cover up his romantic side with jokes. She decided to play with him just a little.

"This is all very romantic for a tough Colonel isn't it?" Sam asked smiling.

Jack blushed, "Drop it now okay" he warned her jokingly, "or I won't be doing anything like this for a long time missy!"

"Missy? Oh you so did not just call me that!" Sam said in mock horror before picking up a piece of toffee cake and pushing it into Jack's face.

"Right that's it!" Jack said as he rose from the floor and headed towards the couch fast, with toffee cake in his hand.

"Jack don't! I'm at an unfair advantage!" She said, referring to her leg as she tried to hide behind the cushion.

"What a shame hey?" He smiled mischievously before holding her body down and smearing the toffee cake down the centre of her face. Sam squealed and pushed Jack away causing him to trip over the picnic basket and crash onto the floor.

"Man down! I repeat, man down!" Jack shouted jokingly as Sam fell about laughing on the sofa. Jack smiled in her direction, before getting up once again and heading towards Sam.

He perched himself on the edge of the sofa and leant in to capture her lips in a passionate kiss. As they pulled apart, Sam cheekily licked his cheek rid of toffee cream.

"Uum, Jack O'Neill AND cake, what more could a girl want?" Sam asked before capturing Jack's lips again.

The phone rang. Jack groaned. They pulled apart.

"I don't believe this" Jack said angrily as he headed towards his mobile phone. The screen read 'Daniel'.

"What Daniel?" Jack asked irately as Sam just sent him a calming smile.

"You're needed on base Jack, sorry" Daniel said trying to hold back his snigger.

"Fine" Jack groaned before ending the call and heading back to Sam.

"I'm so sorry, I promise I'll make this up to you Sam" He told her before kidding her on the lips once more.

-----xx-----

"General? What's happened?" Jack asked as he burst into his office interrupting the General's meeting with Kawalsky. Jack smiled slightly in the direction of his friend as he waited for news of a new alien attack.

"Colonel?" Hammond asked, bemused as to why Jack was stood in the doorway. Hadn't he made a big fuss about not coming back only two hours ago?

"Daniel called, said I was needed on base. What for?" Jack asked, getting a bit annoyed now wanting the General to just come out with the bad news.

"Nothing Jack. Nothing's happened your not needed, I don't see why he called" Hammond told him as Kawalsky figured out what had happened, trying to hold back his laughter until Jack had left.

"General, start looking for a new archaeologist, your old one won't be returning to work on Monday, at least not fit for duty" Jack threatened before groaning once more as he turned to stomp out of the office.

-----xx-----

"Jack? Jack what's up?" Sam asked worriedly as Jack slumped down onto the sofa angrily.

"I need to find a way to kill Daniel that won't get me into too much trouble" He told her in all seriousness.

"What's happened?" Sam asked as she snuggled up closer to him, trying to calm his angry mood.

"Turns out I wasn't needed on base, it was simply Daniel's revenge." Jack said and sighed, "So all that time wasted, when I could have spent it with you" He told her looking straight into her blue eyes.

"Well lets just forget about it now Jack and finish off what we started. Don't let Daniel ruin the rest of the night, we'll sort him out tomorrow." She told him and smiled mischievously as she leant forward to kiss Jack once again.


	12. Chapter Twelve

Sorry it's been a while…

-----xx-----

"Daniel Jackson, do you not believe it was unwise to upset Colonel O'Neill in this way?" Teal'c asked his friend as the two of them sat in the commissary, awaiting Jack's angry arrival.

"Looking back now, yes. What was I thinking? However, it was incredibly funny to me at the time so I spose that makes up for the pain I shall feel when he finds me." Daniel told his alien friend truthfully as Jack walked in through the door and headed towards their table.

Daniel held his breath.

"Morning campers" Jack said cheerily as he sat down and sipped the coffee Teal'c had already got for him.

"Morning O'Neill, I trust you had a nice time with Samantha Carter last night" Teal'c said as Jack let a small grin appear on his face.

"Yes, I did thank you Teal'c" Jack said before taking another sip of coffee, "Oh and before I forget, we're having a BBQ on tomorrow afternoon when we get back from the mission, so that Sam doesn't go completely mental, you two gonna be there?"

"It would be my pleasure O'Neill" Teal'c said, smiling politely.

"Daniel?" Jack asked

"What? Uum, yeah sure, sorry uum, sounds great yeah…Saturday…" Daniel stuttered out as Jack just held back his laughter.

"Right then, I'm off to ring Sam quickly, I'll see you in the briefing boys!" Jack said before heading for his office.

Daniel Jackson just stared at his coffee mug.

-----xx-----

"Am I really that scary though?" Jack asked.

"Sometimes" Sam told him honestly over the phone, "but Daniel shouldn't be scared of you, it's me he has to worry about."

"Poor Daniel" Jack muttered instantly regretting it.

"And what's that supposed to mean?"

"It's just that….well uum….have I told you I love you today?" Jack asked trying to change the subject quickly.

"Nice try O'Neill, but be careful or it's not just Daniel I'll be having my revenge on. I'll see you tonight hun, and be careful off world okay?"

"Will do Sam. Love you." Jack said, not caring who heard as they walked past his office.

"I love you too, now go or you'll be late for your briefing" She informed him and smirked as he hastily ended the phone call.

-----xx-----

"Well Sam, your leg is getting better so you need not be so dependent on the wheel chair, okay light limping should be okay but nothing to strenuous. However, I still want you to be careful and stay off work for another couple of weeks okay?" Janet informed her friend as she plopped herself down next to her on the sofa after she'd finished her examination.

"Hey Sam, can I have some of this cake?" Cassie called out from the kitchen.

"Sure, and cut me some while your at it please!" Sam hollered back before turning to Janet, "You fancy sitting outside on the deck?"

"Sure, what better way to spend my Saturday afternoon in the sun with my daughter, interrogating our friend about her date" Janet beamed as she helped Sam off the sofa.

"I don't kiss and tell Jan" Sam smiled wickedly.

"Yeah, well you do now or I'll find some way of making you work with Rodney McKay for the rest of your life!" Janet threatened.

Sam shuddered, "Okay, okay I give up. I'll tell you both" Sam said as Cassie and Janet sat down on the sun lounger's excitedly.

-----xx-----

"I expect your reports to be in by 1200 hours Monday people. Dismissed" General Hammond said before retreating to his office to get on with his work.

"Steak time!" Jack said excitedly as he jumped out of his chair and headed for the locker room.

"More like burnt steak time" Daniel added.

"Funny Daniel, I just hope the BBQ doesn't get ruined by me getting called out again…" Jack said as he reached the locker room and pulled off his shirt.

"Yeah that'd be a shame wouldn't it?" Daniel said hoping Jack didn't know it was his fault yet, yes he'd given the phone call but he could have been misinformed, couldn't he?

"Ahh well, c'est la vie Daniel. Ready?" Jack asked as the three of them stood there in their civvies.

"Indeed"

-----xx-----

"Well who'd have thought Jack could be that romantic?" Janet asked with a sappy smile on her face before falling about into a fit of giggles, "Hard arsed Colonel my arse!"

"Have we missed something?" Jack asked as he walked out back to see the three of them laughing.

"No, of course not!" Janet said smirking at the Colonel.

"Three guesses who they were talking about" Daniel snorted as he set the beers down on the table.

"Ahh Daniel, how nice of you to join us" Sam smirked at him.

Daniel gulped and stared at the evil glint in her eye. Oh yeah, he was stupid. It was bad enough to mess with Jack O'Neill but Sam Carter? He was a dead man.


	13. Chapter Thirteen

Sam smiled evilly at Daniel as Jack kissed her lightly on the cheek.

"Hey Sam, can I use your pool please?" Cassie asked, causing Sam to break eye contact.

"Sure hun, as long as it's alright with your Mum" Sam replied before focusing her attention on Daniel again.

"So…Daniel, how have you been?" Sam asked politely.

"Uhh, good thanks." Daniel replied warily, "How's the leg?" He asked hoping to distract her.

"Good thanks. Janet says it should be okay to return to work soon. I can walk around for a little while but it still hurts if I'm up for too long. Thankfully, Jack's here to look after me most of the time, apart from when he's called back to work, then I'm left alone to look after myself" Sam said, laying one hell of a guilt trip on Daniel.

"Listen, Sam, the phone call the other night was me. I'm really sorry, it was meant to be a joke, a bit of revenge on Jack. I forgot he'd be looking after you." Daniel told her hoping she wouldn't be too bad.

"You're in big trouble Danny Boy" Jack said smugly as he lit the barbeque.

"Sam, I am really sorry!" He stressed as she sat back in her chair, taking a sip of her drink.

"Don't worry about it Daniel, it's all water under the bridge now, completely forgotten about!" Sam told him and patted his hand before sitting back again and watching Jack burn the steaks.

Daniel was so gullible…

-----xx-----

Sam smiled mischievously as she watched Daniel get more and more drunk as the night went on.

"Jack, could you fetch my camera?" She asked sweetly, fluttering her eyelashes at him jokingly.

"You're an evil woman Sam, but I love ya for it" He said as he jumped off the sofa on the hunt for Sam's camera.

"I love you Teal'c!" He heard Daniel shout from the living room as he found the camera in Sam's bedside table.

"Love you so much Teal'c it hurts!" Daniel proclaimed before launching himself towards the big Jaffa in search of a hug.

Sam, Cassie and Janet burst into a fit of giggles as Jack returned to the room to find one bemused looking Jaffa being hugged by one very drunk archaeologist.

"So what are you gonna do with the camera Sam?" Cassie asked.

"Oh nothing yet, we have to wait until Daniel's so drunk he'll do anything!"

-----xx-----

"I cannot believe he's doing this!" Janet said as she watched her friend cavort around the front yard in a red bra and panties set.

"The things you can make drunk people do!" Jack exclaimed before laughing as Daniel fell into his own car.

Sam smiled wickedly as she snapped away on her camera as Daniel ran around the garden.

"Okay, enough is enough!" Jack exclaimed and ran outside, as Daniel started to strip on the front lawn.

"Time for you to go home Danny Boy" Jack told his friend as he helped him into the passenger seat of his car.

"Teal'c, would you mind?" Sam asked.

"No problem SamanthaCarter" Teal'c said, before bowing his head and heading out to join Daniel in the car, who was now singing Like A Virgin at the top of his voice.

"Thanks T, see ya tomorrow" Jack said as he shut the car door on Daniel's singing and headed back in to join Sam, Janet and Cassie.

-----xx-----

"DanielJackson, are you feeling arlight?" Teal'c asked as he joined the archaeologist in the commissary the following morning, his tray loaded with cake.

"Not really no, I think I drank to much last night, and everyone on base keeps giving me weird looks."

"I am unsure of why this is DanielJackson, maybe you are just paranoid this morning."

"Good morning campers!" Jack said loudly and cheerily.

"Ahh" Daniel exclaimed and put his hand to his head

"Headache Daniel?" Jack enquired, trying desperately to hide the huge grin wanting to appear on his face.

"A bit yeah, drank too much last night, again" Daniel told his friend truthfully.

"Just a bit, yes" Jack said, laughing slightly.

"Well I've gotta go, have a report to write. See ya at lunch?" Daniel asked his two friends, who nodded in agreement.

"Have fun Daniel!" Jack bellowed as Daniel walked out of the room and into the corridor to be faced with two giggling nurses staring him in the face. Daniel looked at the weirdly before heading down to his lab, passing the notice board on his way.

Oh. My. God.

Daniel tore the offending picture down and raced back to the commissary to find Jack and Teal'c laughing and joking.

"This" Daniel shouted holding the picture of him in Sam's underwear up to Jack's face, "is not funny!"

Jack stopped laughing and turned to speak to Daniel seriously, "Not my fault Daniel, you pissed off the wrong theoretical astrophysicist." Jack said smugly.

"Yeah but you must've put the picture up!" Daniel exclaimed.

"Pictures…and yes, but you try saying no to Sam when she's on a warpath!" Jack said.

"You are so whipped Jack you don't' even know it and tell Sam she'll pay." Daniel said as he retreated out of the room once again.

"Whatever Daniel." Jack shouted before laughing again.


	14. Chapter Fourteen

Daniel stormed back to his lab, ignoring the wolf whistles and laughing along the way, and sat down in front of his computer. Sam and Jack would _so _pay for that one.

Daniel opened up google and started to search for methods of revenge on the internet. He would bombard them with pranks until they came begging on their knees for his forgiveness. Well, at least until he was satisfied he had had his revenge.

- - - - - xx - - - - -

"Jack, remind me never to prank Sam…ever" Charlie stressed to his friend as he and Lou Feretti joined him and Teal'c in the commissary.

"SamanthaCarter sure has what you could call an 'evil streak' O'Neill" Teal'c added and Jack smiled.

"Yeah I know, and I'm so proud!" Jack laughed, "Daniel's off planning his revenge as we speak! Can't wait!"

- - - - - xx - - - - -

"Yes General, I feel the SGC would benefit from him helping out on this project while Sam is still recovering and it would certainly get the job done faster" Daniel told Hammond.

"Well, I happen to agree on this one Doctor Jackson. I'll have him start tomorrow." Hammond said as Daniel smiled and retreated out of the office.

Daniel rubbed his hands together.

Daniel Jackson one, Sam and Jack, zero.

- - - - - xx - - - - -

"Daniel! You're late!" Jack said loudly as he made his way over to their usual table in O'Malley's. Good, SG2 were here too, full embarrassment.

Daniel held back his laughter and replied, "Sorry, I just had some er…stuff, to sort out".

"O…..kay" Jack replied, someone confused by Daniel's behaviour.

"We got you a drink Daniel" Sam told him as he sat down, "and by the way, I made Jack destroy all the pictures. Sorry it got so carried away." Sam said and he almost felt guilty for the events he had planned over the next few days or so.

Almost.

Daniel just sat back and joined in the fun, waiting for her to arrive.

- - - - - xx - - - - -

Jack was sat next to Sam, watching her as she laughed at Charlie's joke. The evening was going well and everyone was having fun, but Daniel looked, well Daniel looked suspicious.

"Is there a Colonel O'Neill here?" A feminine voice asked from behind him.

"Yeah, right here ma'am!" Daniel told the woman who Jack had yet to see and smiled mischievously in Jack's direction.

"I hear you've been a very naughty boy" The female voice said as Jack felt his hands being pulled behind his back. Before he could resist, his wrists had been handcuffed together.

That was when Jack saw her.

Daniel was SO dead tomorrow morning, that was if Sam didn't kill him first.

He tore his shocked eyes away from the scantily glad 'cop' to look at Sam. She was laughing at him. Better than angry Sam I suppose, but wasn't she going to help him?

Jack gulped as the strippers hand slid towards his crotch.

- - - - - xx - - - - -

Sam returned to work bright and early Monday morning and she settled in immediately. She had driven in to work with Jack who was in a slightly better mood than he had been all weekend.

Granted he was annoyed with Daniel more, but apparently she should have done something before things got, um, out of hand.

No amount of cake had made him forgive her completely yet, but she would concentrate on that tonight. Thankfully though, Daniel hadn't picked on her with a stripper and he might have taken her apology seriously and given up.

Or not.

"Ahh Sam, how nice to see you again!" Rodney McKay beamed as Sam entered her lab.

- - - - - xx - - - - -

Jack and Teal'c were sat in Daniel's lab having coffee.

"Nice one Daniel. I didn't know you had it in you!" Jack told the younger man as they discussed Friday night's events, "however, I will get you back!"

"DANIEL JACKSON! YOU ARE SO GOING DOWN!" Sam shouted at the archaeologist as Rodney McKay followed her like a lost puppy.

Jack smirked in her direction.

"This is not funny Jack!" Sam scowled and stormed back out of the room.

"Ok, so where can we both hide so that she won't find us Danny Boy?" Jack asked as McKay stood there watching them both, confused for once in his life, though he wouldn't admit it.


	15. Chapter Fifteen

"You know Daniel, we wouldn't be in this mess if it wasn't for you!" Jack whispered as he and Daniel hid in the storage closet on level 27.

"You started it Jack, not me, now hush in case someone hears us!" Daniel retorted.

"Me?" Jack exclaimed, "It wasn't me!"

"Then who was it then?" Daniel asked.

The two sat there in thought for a few moments before turning to face each other, "Sam" they said in unison.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

"Teal'c said he saw them running into a storage closet on level 27, so unless they're doing something else in there" Sam and Janet smirked at each other, "then they're hiding from me!"

"Just like you're hiding from McKay?" Janet snorted.

"What?" Sam exclaimed, "I am not hiding from him, I just came to visit a friend in her break that's all!"

"Yeah sure…" Janet smirked again.

"This is all Daniel's fault anyway!" Sam huffed and crossed her arms against her chest.

"I seem to remember you taking a picture of Daniel and putting it up around base Sam…"

"Yes, but he and Jack started it first with their betting and weird shampoo mixtures!" Sam exclaimed, "Right, this means war!"

"Sam?" Janet asked her friend as she quickly rose from her seat and headed for the door in a hurry.

"Call Cassie, tell her to meet us at the mall during our break, we've got some shopping to do!" Sam grinned evilly before running off.

Janet shook her head and smiled. SG1 were more trouble on base than they were off-world.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

"Sam, why are we going to a hardware store?" Cassie asked as she trailed behind Sam along with her mother.

"I need some really good glue" Sam told them seriously as she headed for the right aisle.

"Why?" Janet asked her friend suspiciously.

"No reason, just a little revenge!" Sam smiled and Cassie laughed.

"Like what exactly?" Janet questioned.

"Well I don't know just yet but I figure glue is a good place to start. Oh and I need some handcuffs!" Sam exclaimed as she grabbed a few tubes of glue and headed for the till.

"Why?" Janet asked raising her eyebrows.

"For Jack" she replied as Janet smirked, "No, not like that Janet! Jeez!" Sam laughed, "Mind out the gutter girl!"

"Stop it you two, I don't need to know!" Cassie told the giggling pair.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

"So basically, you two got yourself into a terrible mess and now you need the amazing SG2 to save you?" Charlie joked as he made sure the coast was clear for Jack and Daniel to come out of the closet. AN: No pun intended!

"No Charlie, we just need some ideas, that's all" Jack told his friend as they headed towards the commissary.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Jack had just got back to his office when he heard a knock at his door.

"Come"

He looked up from his desk to see Sam entering his office, smiling with two cups of jello, one red and one blue.

"Hey" He smiled as she took a seat in front of his desk.

"Hey!" She beamed and handed him the jello.

"Good day?" Jack asked and she smiled. She wasn't going to let Jack and Daniel know how much McKay was annoying her.

"Yeah actually. Me and McKay have got a lot of work done. Seems he's not as annoying as I once thought."

"Ah that's good." Jack said pleased she wasn't too mad.

"So what about you? I haven't seen you much today, it's as if you're hiding from me!" Sam aid goading him.

"Nah, just been very busy" Jack lied, "Back log of paper work to catch up on."

"You must be very tired then Jack" Sam said rising from her seat and heading behind his desk, "Maybe a back rub would help" She said suggestively as he hands went to his shoulders.

Jack moaned with pleasure, tilted his head back and closed his eyes.

Sam, slowly reached into her back pocket and reached for the two sets of handcuffs.

Slowly massaging his shoulder still with the one hand, quietly and quickly she snapped the cuff round his right hand as it lay on the arm of the chair, attaching the other cuff to the arm itself. Before Jack could react, she did the same to his left hand.

"What the hell?" Jack snapped as Sam smiled.

"Bye Jack" She said before sauntering out of his office.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Knowing full well Daniel was in the infirmary with Janet, having a surprise examination, Sam quickly headed towards Daniel's Lab as she smiled to herself thinking of Jack sat there in his office. Maybe she should have gagged him? Then he couldn't shout for help. No, that's too harsh…

Sam reached Daniel's lab and entered, heading straight for his desk. Spying his favourite coffee cup, she reached into her jacket pocket for the tube of glue she had bought earlier and began applying it to the base of the cup. Once satisfied with the coverage, she put it down on Daniel's desk next to his computer and left Daniel's lab.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

"Hey Sam!" Daniel beamed as he caught her heading away from the general direction of his lab.

"Daniel, hi!" She said happily before continuing down the hallway.

Daniel shook his head at her behaviour and entered his lab in search for his coffee mug, he needed a good cup after the torment he had received at the end of Janet's needles.

He went over to his desk and reached for the cup. It wouldn't budge. He tried again but the cup would not leave his desk.

Sam!

Daniel quickly ran to Jack's office to warn him.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

"So it went well then?" Janet asked she saw her friend enter her office almost crying with laughter.

"Very!" She beamed as she took a seat in front of Janet's desk.

"Now I just need to find a really good hiding place for about five years!" Sam exclaimed as the pair fell about laughing picturing Jack handcuffed to a chair.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

"Jack?" Daniel asked as he knocked on the door to his office.

"DANIEL! THANK GOD!" Jack shouted for joy, "COME IN!"

Daniel did as instructed to find Jack handcuffed to the chair.

"Jack, I'm not into that sort of thing" He smirked, "Well at least not with you anyway!"

"Very funny Daniel, Sam did it!" Jack said through gritted teeth. He had an itch on his leg that was annoying the hell out of him.

"Oh…right. I'll leave you two to it then shall I?" Daniel asked, enjoying tormenting his friend when he knew he couldn't throw anything at him.

"DANIEL! JUST GET ME OUT OF THESE THINGS!" Jack shouted.

"How? Sam'll have the key won't she?"

"Yes, uum, I don't know, just get Siler or someone and do it quick. I need to bathroom and I need the bathroom quick!" Jack exclaimed as Daniel ran out of his office in search of Siler.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

"So he's probably still there now then!" Cassie giggled as she and Sam sat by the pool in Janet's back yard on sun loungers.

"Who knows?" Sam laughed as Janet came out of the house carrying a tray of cool drinks and snacks.

"I thought I'd bring us some refreshment so we can at least joy waiting for our death!" Janet exclaimed as the trio fell about laughing again.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

"COLONEL O'NIELL! JUST WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?" Hammond bellowed as he pushed his way into Jack's office to see all members of SG2, and SG1, minus Sam, laughing as Jack had to be cut out of his chair by Sergeant Siler.

"It's a long story Sir" Jack said, staying perfectly still so that Siler didn't chop his hand off.

"Not really Sir!" Feretti interrupted, "Jack and Daniel annoyed a certain astrophysicist and now they're paying for it!"

"Right, I don't want to hear anymore. Make sure this stays off base in future, or at least make sure I don't see anything otherwise I'll have to take action" Hammond said before retreating from this office as Jack jumped for joy as Siler released him.

"Right, first toilet, then kill Sam!" Jack said before running down the corridor.


End file.
